Interview with Madison Heide
MADISON HEIDE played softball at Notre Dame and graduated in 2020. Her degree is in Business Analytics and she currently works as a technology consultant. In her free time she loves to focus on health and wellness such as working out, reading, etc. She also loves to play with her dog. In this episode we talked about facing scary things head on, choosing family over your sport, and performance anxiety.
Below I have written most of what we talked about but you can listen to the full podcast on Anchor / Spotify or on Apple Podcasts.
We would like to take a moment to acknowledge the athletes who have taken their own lives in recent months. We are going to have this conversation in this podcast for them.
Q: When did you start playing sports?
A: I started playing sports around 7 or 8 years old. I always had some sort of ball in my hand and fell into softball at around 9 or 10. I didn’t play competitive until a little bit later.
Q: Do you feel like you would have done a different degree if you weren’t a student-athlete?
A: I think I always had a sense that I should major in something practical, which led me to the analytics degree. If I wasn’t an athlete, I think I would have maintained that practical side.
Q: How did playing competitive sports shape who you are today?
A: I think it shaped me in just about every way. I am still super super competitive. Being able to attack something and having a really good sense of ‘nothing is ever bigger than it is’. This is a job, and I’m doing the best to my ability, but there are so many other aspects to me than this job. Who I am as a person doesn’t depend on the result at work.
Q: Did you consider being a full time coach?
A: I think I always knew that softball would be a part of my life in some way. I’m a really big proponent for being a part of the game. For me it’s giving lessons and seeing it from that side of things. Right now I love the way that I’m giving back to the game.
Q: How have you handled performance anxiety?
A: I think for me, this question even raises my blood pressure so to speak because I never like to have people see me fail. It made me really tense in a game like situation. For me, as an athlete, it was so difficult to overcome because you’re living that every single day. Looking back now, it’s such a different perspective to be like “its just a game”. I think that stemmed from being scared to let other people down and feeling like I had to perform a certain way for them. The biggest thing I’ve realized as I stepped away from the game is that I’m so much more than the outcome or result of my play. It’s so important to realize as an athlete because the success is so apparent. You either throw someone out at second or you don’t. If you are an athlete experiencing some sort of performance anxiety, try to work toward moving toward what’s making you vulnerable. That advice has made me understand myself and how I act when I’m anxious. Embracing that vulnerability leads to success. I think a lot of times, “what’s wrong with me? Why am I so nervous in this situation?”. It’s because I care so much. Realizing there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just invested to the extreme. You can’t make the game bigger than it is.
Q: You experienced something very tough in 2020. What was your experience like with leaving your team and supporting your family?
A: In 2020, I made the decision in the second semester of my senior year not to come back to Notre Dame, which was the softball season. My mom was super sick so I took that time to spend with her. It was something the coaches suggested and I didn’t think was an option. There was a lot of apprehension feeling like I was letting my teammates down and not being able to fulfill my role. Having that question mark in leaving them was obviously hard but I have never for a second regretted it. The outpour of support I got from my teammates and coaches was great. They were continuing to raise me up as I went through that experience and those girls are still some of my best friends to this day. This could be just a plug for how wonderful the softball coaches at Notre Dame are. How special it is to have teammates that are there for you. Even after leaving that second semester, I never felt like I wasn’t on the team. Sometimes they would play games and they would call me to play them with them (bus games, hanging out, etc.). I always felt very much included. I feel so grateful to have chosen a school that at the end of the day I was a person and not just someone on the roster. Some day your time as an athlete is going to end. Maybe it wasn’t the time I saw for myself when I started my journey but this was the decision to make that was best for me. 3 months later, CoVid shut everything down so I missed 3 months instead of a whole season. That just goes to show that you never know when it’s going to end so you have to play every game like it’s your last.
Q: What was the transition out of playing competitive sports like for you? What did you do in your newfound free time?
A: The transition is really weird because you set your identity as a division 1 softball player and then you’re just not anymore. Figuring out what that means and figuring out who you are is a big aspect of that transition. I gave myself that time to figure out what works for me and find a balance. When you lose softball there’s a big hole there so you have to replace it with something. I tried about a hundred different workout classes until I found out what I love. There is so much free time that you don’t realize as an athlete and then when you have nothing to do during that time, you wonder what to do. Being interested in different experiences is a really good way to learn something about yourself.
Q: What was one of your favorite moments while competing?
A: This is such a hard question but I think the answer is that as an athlete you don’t remember the wins and losses. You remember the people you played with. I just remember that I was on the field with my best friends and that was the best thing about college softball.
Q: What advice would you give to someone who is recently done and someone who is currently playing a sport?
A: Run toward things that make you a little scared or vulnerable and not being afraid to put your whole self and commit to it. You can do it all and put yourself into it and then you can release yourself from the outcome at the same exact time. Being able to say I worked really hard at this but who I am is not defined by the outcome of this.
If you missed the last podcast, our guest was softball player Lindsey Wrobleski. She talked about raising her kids in sports. In the next podcast, we will have cross country and track runner Lexi Reed as our guest. In that episode, we will be discussing her involvement with mental health as an athlete and how she found her passion for F45 and personal training.
If you have any more questions for Madison, please leave comments below or contact me. If you or someone you know is struggling, please call the Suicide Hotline. It’s toll free and available 24/7 at 800-273-8255.
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